Here’s the deal. You make the rules of your life. This means if you need to leave any relationship for any reason, you get to. I’m not saying it won’t be messy and emotional but it should only be gooey because of the ending and the fact that you have a heart. When you leave someone’s life or ask them to leave yours, how they act reveals a lot about them. Sometimes, for whatever damn reason, we get it in our pretty little heads that certain behaviors are normal and loving when they are most certainly not.
This is where you need some bitches to help you see what’s really going on. Good bitches are like training wheels until we can ride that hog ourselves and see bad behavior for what it is.
People are tricksy. They know how to push your buttons. They know what to say and even if you call bullshit on it, will often backtrack making you feel like what your gut told you just happened, didn’t actually happened. Let me just lay this down real plain for you: that is toxic. Abusive. and what some people call gaslighting.
When you want to end something, Dollface, you get to end it. Walk away. That is your choice. Anyone who doesn’t respect that by saying anything other than, “I love you and I honor your choices. I’m sorry this didn’t work out, but I respect you as a human,” and then backs away, is not behaving in a way that is good.
When you tell someone it’s over, and I mean anyone: mothers, fathers, children, lovers, siblings…it doesn’t matter who, and they throw any sort of shade with their words or actions, that is not behaving in a way that is good or loving. Or if they continue to communicate with you months after you’ve ended it, often masking it with some other issue, but then watch what happens when you get honest and enforce your boundaries. If it’s ugly? If it makes you feel shitty when you have just been minding your own business and eating cheese and watching Netflix? Then it’s still happening.
I think we have given so many people a free pass to be assholes because first of all, we’re taught that people have issues and we have to love them through it.
Then we’re taught the mecca of allowing bad behavior: family above all else. But what that has done is raised a whole generation after generation of women in particular that are excusing bad behavior because of blood relation. Guess what Sweets? When you teach a girl to excuse her dad’s bad behavior because that’s her dad and he loves her and he’s trying the best he can, then she grows up and does the same with her toxic partner or child or literally everyone else in her life.
There are people who you can walk away from who will actually say things like, “I just want the best for you, so I am sad, but I respect your choices.”
They do exist!
Hold some hope in your heart.
And keep a weather eye on what is being said to you when you put up those boundaries. If it’s anything less than good, free, loving behavior, you don’t owe anyone shit. I’m gonna repeat that.
YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE SHIT. This does not make you a selfish person. It makes you a healthy person. If there’s one thing old Myrtle has seen over and over, is that when bad behaving people don’t get their way, they call you selfish, uncaring, ugly, unloving, unkind, a bitch. The list goes on. They’ll hit you where it hurts. They’ll give a record of how they were there for you in the past, in essence saying that you owe them a relationship because of some version you used to be and how dare you grow and change! And that is why you must always remember that being a bitch is ok if that means you are owning your own life. The world does not want women to make their own rules. We must conform. Bullshit.
I don’t care what kind of past you’ve had. It’s the past. We grow, we change, we listen to our guts and if they say GO, then fucking go. And when you do, watch how people respond. You’ll see their true colors come out and it will not be pretty most of the time.
Here’s Myrtle’s advice: block freely. Stop reading the hurtful messages altogether. Do what you need to do at all times. Don’t respond to emotional manipulation. And let people have their own feelings. They’ll either work it out or they won’t. Doesn’t matter. You matter. How you feel. What you want. Who you want to spend time with.
You never need a reason to own your life and your decisions. If something feels wrong, then it is. It’s not your job to fluff pillows around people so they don’t get hurt by you wanting to walk away. If it gets ugly, then that is on them. Period.
Just keep repeating: I make the rules.
Keep your bitches close to help you call out bullshit. And if you need a solid bitch, I’m here for you.